Heart Songs: Day 25.

Sometimes I don't always have the words to say what I feel. And right now is one of those moments. I was at work today listening to my pandora and hear this song. I had forgotten that it even existed. But it's what I am feeling right now. The words say so perfectly what I feel in my heart. Dancing across my ears as if I spoke them myself. Hoping that he can hear them as I play them in my head phones. It's so hard to let go. One pulls the other pushes, its a teater totter game we play. 

I wish there was just a place i could go and sit for a few hours. Kinda like in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and have them erase all the memories and the good times and the laughter. This can't be healthy the way I am feeling. I have to be honest with myself and its time to move on but I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I keep making promises to visit, to call, but its hard. I pick up the phone and he's not there.  He's so fucked up he can't answer the phone. Who lives like that? I've been waiting for years, I am tired. 

I am so excited to see the 5 men who have put pen to paper and created a whole list of songs that speak to my very heart, but I am sad because I am still mending my heart. I keep trying to look forward but its soo hard to not look back.