Living a life that I can't leave behind

On most days now there is only a thought. But as it gets closer to the holidays I am wondering more.

I am struggling with my circle of friends as the closer I look at them the more I wonder why we are friends. I think I use to surround myself with people so I wouldn't have to deal with my own crap. And now that I have decided to deal with my crap it make is increasingly harder to give a crap about other peoples crap (please forgive my use of the word crap so many times, trying really hard not to say shit) but I digress...

I find that I know a lot of mean girls, and I use the term to discribe a group of people not that they are actually all girls. But as I trot along on my journey it is getting increasingly hard to want to be around these people. Especially when they aren't very nice to me in the first place. The more I lose my "outter fat shell" and the stronger I get in my body and my mind and I am starting to see that I don't really like these people but because I have considered the friends for so long they are really hard to let go.

Before that old Davette would have just took the abuse and the treatment and not really thought anything of it, but now it has gotten to the point where I want to lash out and scream. I can't stand people who go through life ignoring you one minute and then in your face the next. I can't stand people who think you are just there for there enjoyment and because there isn't anything better to do. Real friends love you even if your panties are stinky and will be there to help you wash your panties. Fake friends don't answer your calls or text when you text them and they just wanna be around when things are on the up and up.

So what does Bizarre Love Triangle have to do with all of this. There have been points in the last year where I have wanted to get down on my knees and scream out why God. I am having a hard time leaving parts of my old life behind and today I was reminded of that very thought when this song came on my Pandora this morning. I need to work on letting some of those "mean girls" go because sitting up at night worrying about why they are igrnoring me on this day, or they passive agressive reactions to something I have said of done, doesn't really matter in the larger picture.

People who don't love themseves certainly can't love another person. So what I plan to do is love those "mean girls" from a far and keep doing me...

XOXO