While I was watching them perform I hit by the mack trust that is my brain in remembering why I like them both so much Their songs speak to me. Every emotion that I have ever felt has been induced by a melody or a lyric. I was standing there and watching my emotions dance across the stage being sung by the very men who help me learn how to identify with music that could help repair my soul.
This song made me think about Jacob for 10 minutes after they sang it. And then my stupid phone pocket dialed him so I think he has about 10 mins of the song below and me screaming on his voice mail.
It sucks when you are lonely. I am learning to deal with it, but it is still hard. I am so happy they sang this song cause I have never heard it live, but it still made me sad. I felt like when I was standing there I was leaving my old life and reaching towards my new. It was if they put their songs in this order to help me let go of all the bullshit as I watched the 120 minute concert unfold and when they got to the next song I just about keeled over and died.
So, this songs lyrics have to be the most real account of what happened in my mind. Every time I hear it my skin crawls cause I remember all the promises he made to me. But last night something changed in me. I felt all that anger and hatred explode into the air as loud as the concerts pyrotechnics. I felt free.
The last song is an odd one. Incomplete is how I use to feel. I did try to go on like I never knew him. I was awake but my world was half asleep. But now I am awake in this world, ever present and existing. I don't have to pretend I didn't know him and he was all apart of my journey. And I am grateful for that.
Who would have thought that going to see them would give me so much clarity and purpose. I have been reborn :) Let the healing light keep shining on me till my heart is whole again.
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