I don't have much to say tonight. Other than I am annoyed. I gotta stop figuratively cutting myself. Re opening the wound is not what I am suppose to be doing. Now I have to sew it back up. My its the watching it heal part that I get off on. Watching the scar form, picking at it a little. Toying with the idea of going back. Of calling him and saying, can't we work this out. I can do the distance, just don't ever leave me. But that would be a stupid thing to do.
I just wanna wake up and it be OVER. The feelings washed away in the surf. My heart pieces put back together. The scar completely gone. I wanna feel like myself again. Not a sniffling idiot who's crying over someone who doesn't think twice about her. Why waste the energy. I could be knitting or something. I get angry. I pounded it out in the gym. I see his face as push through my work outs. Thinking I am doing this for me, this will make me whole again.
I hope tomorrow is better.
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