Heart Songs: Day 12

Numb. That's how I feel. Emotions shooting from everyone but me. I smile. I nod I laugh, but its all fake. I can't let people in anymore. It's to exhausting to me.  Can't you see me hurting over here. Leave me in my space of darkness. I don't like the light anymore. I count on my fingers how many days have past since we last spoke and its more than one hand. It means that you have already forgotten about me. What happen to the days when you would always call at 1130. I can't hear other peoples relationship problems with out thinking at least you HAVE a relationship. I find that I listen just be nice, but not cause I want to.

Iris makes me feel okay with how my heart feels right now. The truth is I do care about other people and how their relationships are going, but the hurt that is trying to consume my soul makes me feel those thoughts above. It's like the song says, "I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think they will understand." Davette isn't always nice, she isn't always happy. She cries and screams and wishes she wasn't alone, but out of this solitude will come something great. 

I am learning so much about myself and what I want to be within this world and sometimes you can't figure that shit out until you are truly alone. I know that I have people on my side and if I need to lean on them I can, but for now I walk alone. I have to find myself again.