Heart Song: Day 1

Keep me Hanging On- Kim Wilde

It would take a kids movie to make me re-evaluate my life. It has to be something to what your heart feels as it relates to a song. Music has always been important to me. A way to express how I am feeling when I don't have quite the appropriate words. I had a friend who was moving away call me and say, could you make me some CD's for my drive. For some reason or another he thinks I make the best mix Cd's. So I got to thinking what if I spent the next how ever many months making one massive mix cd that could help me heal my heart.

See the guy I made the mix CD's for is someone who The Single Woman would refer to as my Mr. Big. Sure he wasn't all rich and fancy like the Chris Noth character from SATC, but he was what that archetype symbolizes. And I think I have spent twice the amount of time trying to get over him as we were actually together. And something dawned on me after reading The Single Woman's column the other day that rocked my world enough that for the first time in months I cried myself to sleep.

 I have so much transformation going on in my life. In about a years time I have lost almost 70 lbs. I have a great job and I am trying to work towards so many things that will make my life so much richer, that I need to leave this last bad habit behind. I can't hang on to this ONE thing that is holding me back and being able to become my true authentic self. So I need to just transcend this one little thing and I know I will be all right!

So I have come up with a plan. Everyday, for how long it takes I will sing my heart song. Just like the penguins in Happy Feet. I will take it one day at a time and try to find that awesome, sexy, fierce woman that is hiding in side, that go locked away running behind her Mr. Big. I will use this outlet to begin to heal, live, love and let go. I will create my own personal mix cd, filled with joy and pain, but mostly love. Relationships are difficult and sometimes hard to get over, but in the end, when my book of songs is complete. I will be free and whole again :) 

Today's song filled my heart because he called me today. On the road off to his NEW life with out me in it. I don't think its much to ask that my mate generally chooses to be in the same place that I am, but he didn't he choose to move away. I have accepted it, but what he doesn't accept is that I can't talk to him. My promise to myself is that once he gets where he is going to cease all contact. I hope I can keep that promise to myself.