When you feel like you need to run away from something or someone, it is probably best that you do. I am a person who wants it all or needs to leave it alone. For too long I have shared a man with so many other things. That it made me crazy.
I don’t listen to the voice in my head sometimes. And I think I cause myself more heart ache that way. I know that I should end this, stop being a willing participant, but I am already spread too thin and that thought would just break me in two.
Who am I without you? What was I before? I am afraid of the next, will you be to her what I wanted you to be to me. I gotta figure this out before I go crazy.
I don’t think he would really fight. I think he is tired to. Tired of my back and forth and up and down. Do I really love him or is it just his absence that I love. Because I know if he was standing in front of me I would be angry and sad. I would yell and scream as loud as I could but he would never hear me.
I am trying to find me. She is inside of there somewhere. Is it so hard to just move on, let the pain rip through me like a knife? I would be free then, I could watch my scares heal and scab over, itch and then heal good as new.
I do trust myself. I trust that my feelings will become whole again. I do need to do something cause this limbo I am in is just suffocating me.
I wanna know who I am without you. But something keeps me hanging on. I hope that I can find that girl who is free and whole. But I don’t’ know.
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