I sometimes think that Adam is in side of my head.

I am having trouble sleeping tonight. So I decided to put on the Maroon Five playlist on Pandora. I swear besides being extremely attractive that Adam Levine has a song for every situation.

Song 1:  Makes me Wonder

Now. I don't know what secret he is talking about. But I know that I do not believe in you anymore. I am way off track, not even close to where I thought I would be at almost 34 years old. Wasted years on a promise of nothing. It does make ME wonder. It's funny after all these years that I still wonder if you loved me. I still don't believe it, because it just doesn't make sense that after all this time you still keep doing the same stupid shit. So I don't have a reason or the time.

Song 2: Misery

I did something stupid tonight. I called him. IDK why. The impending arrive of his person has rocked my body to the core. And I have made a choice that I now have to live with. How come the right choices always suck. It's like when I decided to lose weight or to stop drinking regular soda, or giving up drinking, this shit is hard. You wanna be mature about things, and say those things that you think you should say. You wanna have that moment when you sit back to back not looking at each other and say everything that is in your heart, but you know you shouldn't do that. But you are compelled. I just wanted to see if he would answer, and it sent me in a downward spiral. Because once again you are realizing that you aren't important and burns into your soul that you never were.

Song 3: Leave This Bed-please refer to last night's blog.

Song 4:  She Will Be Loved

Song title says it all. I will be loved. I am loved. I love myself and that is what is allowing me to move on. This isn't love. This is some sort of torture that I have decided to subject myself to for whatever dumb reason. It's gotta stop.

Song 5:  Goodnight, Goodnight

I have to use Adam's words;
So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah

And with that it ends.