Heart Songs : Day 31

Couldn't have said it better myself. I wish I was full of witty comments and wonderful prose tonight. But this sickness that is trying to take over my body is winning. I give it another 3 hours and I will have a full blown fever as I feel the heat taking over my body. (Probably should turn the AC back on cause its gonna feel like its 90 degrees in here)

So today I reached my first mini goal with my weight loss. To lose enough weight to NOT be 400lbs anymore. I am currently 399. Do you know how awesome it feels to write that number. I should be out celebrating with some lemon water and singing Karaoke with my sorority and fraternity brothers, but instead i am stuck in the bed, sick. What also sucks is that the one person I want to share my success with could care less. I have noticed over the past 8 months that he has done nothing to support of to even encourage my weight loss. And I just can't have people like that in my corner anymore. So I am already gone. 

I am hoping in the passing weeks, that my blogs will shift away from mulling over this lost relationship and into more of an inspiration to support my weight loss and to help heal myself on a deeper level. Here's to hoping. But for old time sake here is one blog that is DEFINITELY a testament to me leaving him behind. 

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

So that is what I am setting out to do. I couldn't have said it better. It's not that I don't love him. It's that I love MYSELF more. And who wants to be with someone who doesn't want you to be the best person they can be. I am not setting out to be this skinny girl, cause I am not built that way. But what I don't get is that I am still the same person. Whether I am 200 or 400lbs. Doesn't that count for something. Wouldn't a person who really love me, love me no matter what?

I have realized that people who truly love you don't do things that will intentionally hurt you. They treat your heart like a delicate flower and the hold on and protect it. And I don't feel protected anymore. So I am going to stick to my guns and keep walking in the other direction. I've got this alone stuff down pat. And it is in my solace that I will keep getting stronger and come out stronger and THINNER on the other side! It's time to stop loving him and start loving me. :) *giggles*